I'll try to answer your questions for you but I don't think I can cover EVERYTHING you need to know in one post. Feel free to ask anything else!
1. It's actually great that you don't want to wear tapers because you're really not supposed to! Because they're so long they can move around too much and damage your newly-stretched ears.
I'm assuming you're starting from a "normal" 20G-18G piercing, so your next size should be 18G or 16G. It's pretty hard to find tapers/plugs in those sizes so try some straight barbells, labrets, or captive bead rings. At 14G and above, you can start getting tapers and plugs. For each size, you'll need one taper and a pair of single-flare/no-flare plugs. You can use any kind you want, but one of the cheapest ways is to get this:
http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdeta ... 9&index=15 or this:
http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdeta ... 1&index=12 in each size.
2. Taking jewelry out to clean it is a necessary part of stretching. When I stretch, I leave the jewelry in for a couple of days without cleaning it. After that, I take them out and clean them at the sink with hand soap every day. Your lobes won't shrink if your jewelry is just out for a few minutes. If you're taking your time and stretching properly, you shouldn't have any open wounds to "clean" so don't worry about it too much.
3. Stretched ears can get pretty smelly because of the dead skin cells that can gather on jewelry. Again, stretch your ears slowly and carefully because damaged lobes are a lot smellier than healthy ones. Cleaning them every day will keep the smell at bay, and you can also use oils like jojoba, vitamin E, naked oil, etc. to cover up the smell and keep your lobes healthy. Also, steel and other metals usually smell a lot worse than glass, acrylics, wood, stone, etc.
4. "What size will go back to normal?" is a question that nobody can give you an answer for. EVERYONE is different. People like to say that the point of no return is 2G/0G/00G but that's just an average. If you're not comfortable with having larger-than-normal holes for the rest of your life, you might want to re-think stretching because no size is 100% guaranteed to shrink.
Some "Do's" and "Don'ts"...
DO take your time, and wait about 6-8 weeks between each size, or more if you feel like you need to.
DON'T skip sizes, even small ones.
DON'T force a stretch if there's a lot of resistance or pain; keep in mind that stretching should not hurt at all if done correctly.