Who’s Gotta Grudge Aga inst Gauges?
Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:53 am
This is an article by Clay Wanstrath from THE POINT. Its a quarterly journal from the APP. Issue 52 Summer 2010.
If there’s one sure way to get a piercer’s blood to boil it’s asking
him or her, “What gauge are your gauges?” That one question,
which has become so infamously ridiculous that it has reached
T-shirt-worthy status, has become the piercer’s equivalent to
screeching nails on a chalkboard.
But why? What’s the big deal?
I’ll tell you why.
Every piercing studio carries at least some selection of jewelry
for stretched earlobes. They might stock captive bead rings, or
plugs, or eyelets. Some might carry studs and some might even
carry grommets. But you know what? Not a single piercing studio
carries “gauges.”
What? You’re kidding. I saw some gauges at my local piercing studio
just the other day!
No, you did not. Sit down beside me children, and I’ll tell you
a little story. You see, once upon a time, there was a regular guy
with regular earlobe piercings who had the good intentions of
making those lobes big. After seeing some folks on the street, on
TV, or in magazines with stretched earlobes this good-natured
person marched right down to his local piercing studio to get
those ears stretched up right. The piercer at the studio probably
explained the pros and cons of the process and perhaps the piercer
even described the benefits of patience and perseverance. It would
have been explained that there is a period of time between sizes
that one must wait before one puts in larger jewelry. Opinions
vary, but the sentiment would still have been the same, and I
quote, “between 12 gauge and 10 gauge I suggest you wait
approximately two months.” Regardless of the conversation, the
outcome would have been the same: the hero of our story walked
out of the piercing studio with larger jewelry in his ears.
Now, what happened next children is important. Our hero was
so happy to be on the righteous path to earlobe expansion that
most of what the piercer told him went in one ear hole and right
out the other. The experience was so gratifying and new that when
his friends later asked him what he had done, the only word that
stuck out was that magical unit of measurement, “What, these
plugs? They’re 12 gauge...yeah, I’m gauging my ears.”
And so as it was said, so was it done. The word “gauge,” which is
a unit of measurement, somehow became an interchangeable term
for both the jewelry, “Sweet gauges,” and the process of stretching.
It seems like some sort of mythical Hydra, every time a client is
educated about the difference between stretch and gauge, suddenly
10 more clients pop up asking, “what gauge are your gauges?”
I, for one, do not lose hope for humanity over this linguistic
debacle. I smile when I recall that the gentleman who taught me
how to pierce would adamantly correct anyone who referred to
their navel as a “belly button,” but at the same time would always
refer to the clitoris as the “happy button.”
I have stretched earlobes and I love them. I am thrilled that so
many other people want stretched lobes too. When someone comes
into the studio where I work and asks to see our “gauges” I know
that they want to see our jewelry. I try to be courteous. I might
wince a little bit but I try not to scold them like a schoolmarm in
front of their friends.
While writing this I looked up the definition of “gauge” in the
dictionary. Right below it was the word “gauger,” meaning “one
that gauges.” With any luck this term won’t catch on, because I
don’t know of any piercer who could handle hearing, “Look at
that gauger; his gauges are the biggest gauge I’ve ever seen on a
gauger!
If there’s one sure way to get a piercer’s blood to boil it’s asking
him or her, “What gauge are your gauges?” That one question,
which has become so infamously ridiculous that it has reached
T-shirt-worthy status, has become the piercer’s equivalent to
screeching nails on a chalkboard.
But why? What’s the big deal?
I’ll tell you why.
Every piercing studio carries at least some selection of jewelry
for stretched earlobes. They might stock captive bead rings, or
plugs, or eyelets. Some might carry studs and some might even
carry grommets. But you know what? Not a single piercing studio
carries “gauges.”
What? You’re kidding. I saw some gauges at my local piercing studio
just the other day!
No, you did not. Sit down beside me children, and I’ll tell you
a little story. You see, once upon a time, there was a regular guy
with regular earlobe piercings who had the good intentions of
making those lobes big. After seeing some folks on the street, on
TV, or in magazines with stretched earlobes this good-natured
person marched right down to his local piercing studio to get
those ears stretched up right. The piercer at the studio probably
explained the pros and cons of the process and perhaps the piercer
even described the benefits of patience and perseverance. It would
have been explained that there is a period of time between sizes
that one must wait before one puts in larger jewelry. Opinions
vary, but the sentiment would still have been the same, and I
quote, “between 12 gauge and 10 gauge I suggest you wait
approximately two months.” Regardless of the conversation, the
outcome would have been the same: the hero of our story walked
out of the piercing studio with larger jewelry in his ears.
Now, what happened next children is important. Our hero was
so happy to be on the righteous path to earlobe expansion that
most of what the piercer told him went in one ear hole and right
out the other. The experience was so gratifying and new that when
his friends later asked him what he had done, the only word that
stuck out was that magical unit of measurement, “What, these
plugs? They’re 12 gauge...yeah, I’m gauging my ears.”
And so as it was said, so was it done. The word “gauge,” which is
a unit of measurement, somehow became an interchangeable term
for both the jewelry, “Sweet gauges,” and the process of stretching.
It seems like some sort of mythical Hydra, every time a client is
educated about the difference between stretch and gauge, suddenly
10 more clients pop up asking, “what gauge are your gauges?”
I, for one, do not lose hope for humanity over this linguistic
debacle. I smile when I recall that the gentleman who taught me
how to pierce would adamantly correct anyone who referred to
their navel as a “belly button,” but at the same time would always
refer to the clitoris as the “happy button.”
I have stretched earlobes and I love them. I am thrilled that so
many other people want stretched lobes too. When someone comes
into the studio where I work and asks to see our “gauges” I know
that they want to see our jewelry. I try to be courteous. I might
wince a little bit but I try not to scold them like a schoolmarm in
front of their friends.
While writing this I looked up the definition of “gauge” in the
dictionary. Right below it was the word “gauger,” meaning “one
that gauges.” With any luck this term won’t catch on, because I
don’t know of any piercer who could handle hearing, “Look at
that gauger; his gauges are the biggest gauge I’ve ever seen on a
gauger!
), gauge size, stretched/stretching/stretch. 